Friday, 30 May 2014

(Sir Edmund) Hillary, Do this and you will have no problems

On the night of her debate with Democratic vice-presidential nominee Joe Biden, Palin opted for a dress by Elie Tahari.
We see a newer, trimmed down version
 of (Sir Edmund) Hillary Rodham who
will re-double her efforts for women
and children.
    And you all thought that El Gringo Viejo was just a big old meanie.  And now, you all will have to admit that there is a kinder and gentler side to this curmudgeon.  We are going to help (Sir Edmund) Hillary.   No snarfy jokes about the ash-tray flinging banshee with a potty mouth bigger than any septic tank.   A total absence of remarks about character or origins of names.  No, this time its just a life preserver that will also save her a lot of money and campaign trials.

     We urge that (Sir Edmund) Hillary forget about even thinking once, much less twice, about Benghazi.  To begin, 60 per cent of the potential voters in her cohort think that Benghazi is an joint-pain ointment. Then the other 40 per cent are committed, first and foremost, to forced abortions for men and women at all times, for free, except for anyone who has a nickel stuffed in the crannies of the cushions of the old sofa.   So, it does not make any difference if she testifies before any stinkin' committee who wants to pry around in her private life.

     We all have to remember that there is a form of female logic, becoming increasingly common among certain natures of females of all sexes as well, that any questioning of (Sir Edmund) Hillary will come off as a War on One Innocent Woman Who Has Done So Much for Women and Children.  We see an advertisement, late in the campaign with (Sir Edmund) Hillary in her birchbark canoe and driver and security detail (it's a big canoe), dressed in her deerskin with fringes, hair drawn back, feathers perfectly poised, as she turns, with a tear coming down her cheek, as the camera draws down on a woman with her nine children in tow, being turned away by the man at the door of the Community Abortion Free Lunch Midnight Locksmithing Classes, Free Breakfast, Free Multi-services Cards, Free Lotto Tickets Building. And the man is pointing to the sign on the door that says, "Closed by George Bush Sequestration Republicans Budget Cuts Against the Poor and Middle Class".    Two of her children make an arm basket to carry their little sister  home because their little crippled sister's wheelchair collapsed finally just upon arrival at the Obama Local Cathedral of Free Help.   That's a good advertisement.   Hits home with the real people.

Pocahontas Warren
with her Hollywood
stage name.
    So you see, we've done the campaign plan.  The Tea Party closed the White House to the Little Children, and I'll be there when the phone rings at three o'clock.   And look how pretty I am now!   I'm a lot more comfortable being a natural brunette, just like now, as president I'll be able to watch the Washington Nationals football games in person.  Do you OROGs think that the Pocahontas will be jealous of (Sir Edmund) Hillary's taking advantage of Hillary's mother being a full-blooded Whitewater Cherkodee Injun?

(Sir Edmund)
Hillary relates
to all people
     But, (Sir Edmund) Hillary has a secret weapon for making a passive bid for the African American vote.  Something like a take-off on her famous "I ain't no ways tired" recitation back in 2008....that went over so well, we have suggested that She try it again, but with more sincerity and impact.    Everybody thinks that this will make her look as truly sincere as she actually is.  Perhaps a Cherkodee Indian War Bonnet would be good so as to aim at multiple voting groups at the same time.   Cost effectiveness needs to be considered.

     Okay, now you all know that El Gringo is just an old softy, giving away all these campaign secrets for free.  Perhaps to-morrow we shall return to the battle with our armour strapped firmly on.
El Gringo Viejo