Tuesday, 18 March 2014

(Sir Edmund) Hillary Lauded for Public Service by Jeb Bush - Visit from the Archivial Past (Humourous, Sad Material)

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     Jeb Bush has taken heat from some on the right for agreeing to present an award tomorrow to Hillary Clinton for her work in public service.   Bush, who is chairman of the National Constitutional Center, is presenting the award in Philadelphia. he said in a statement. "While Secretary Clinton and I disagree on many issues, we certainly agree on the importance of civic engagement. The Board looks forward to the Center’s annual celebration of the vision of freedom, responsibility and equality embodied in the U.S. Constitution.”
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A NOTE TO ALL OROGs:
   We were privileged to have been contacted by the Republican Institutional National Organisation (RINO) requesting that we assist in the composition of a short address for the famous conservative. past-governor of Florida, allowing us to amend his speech slightly before its presentation at (Sir Edmund)Hillary's award for "Public Service and Civic Engagement"  (?)   My inspired words came out something like what is found below.
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      Former Secretary Clinton has dedicated her life to serving and engaging people across the world in democracy,” Bush said in a statement. "The simple act of corkscrewing into the heavy enemy fire in the Balkans and shielding Sinbad and her own daughter from the withering sniper and mortar fire as they ran across the completely exposed tarmac, prove that this woman is truly a daughter of Jean d'Arc.
 
      We all remember when she suggested to Maggie Thompson and Bernie Nussbaum that it might be nice to "tidy-up" Vince Foster's office after poor Vince was found at Fort Marcy Park after having suffered a calamitous health issue, something like a work-place incident. (Sir Edmund) Hillary, always thinking of others, asked her staff to clean up the office so that Mrs. Foster would not have to be burdened.
 
     And we are moved to think how difficult it was for her to supervise the ghost writers of two different books...two! mind you....when she had so much on her plate, on behalf of women and children and minorities. It is very difficult to supervise two different books, when one realised that neither she nor anyone else ever read them. (Sir Edmund) Hillary emoted the new literary process, far ahead of its time by Cerebral Osmomosistic Diffusion, a process she invented and perfected, and will be awarded, later in the day, ten consecutive years of combined Nobel Prizes for Peace, Science, Literature, and Divinity. While some light a candle instead of cursing the darkness, (Sir Edmund) Hillary is more like a Times Square Solstice and Kwanza and LGBTRZOKH Tree, lighting the way for what has been called the New Normalcy and Tolerance.
 
     The Wall Street Awards Group gave her, simultaneous to the Jeb Bush Award for being just like (Sir Edmund) Hillary, the coveted Bernie Madoff Award for devising new Techniques in Cattle Futures Trading. The Academy of Cattle Futures lovingly engraved her imitation silver and gold trophy with the message embossed over the image of an Old Cow, reading "It really does take one to know one".
 
     And of course, sitting in the front row of the admiring and adoring audience was Mrs. Ron Brown, and the members of the White House Travel Agency staff who were given, let us say, a nice "early retirement" when (Sir Edmund) Hillary first entered the White House advised the FBI that they seemed to be tired and needed a rest. Always thinking of others, you see.
    She placed her cousins and some of their friends in charge of the White House Travel Office, and they served well enough until some were let go because of little discrepancies here and there.   Only two or three were ever convicted of felonies or anything, however.
 
    It was like when (Sir Edmund)Hillary and Janet Reno decided to have the FBI, the ATF, and Gen. Wesley Clark liberate those poor children from those crazy, religious gun-nuts outside of Waco, Texas. We are comforted in knowing that because of the heroic efforts of that team, led by (Sir Edmund)Hillary, those children are in a better place now.  Turned out the "gun-nuts" had fewer guns per adult-under-the-roof than the average home in Texas.  It just goes to show what a reasonable approach to Climate Change can do to forward the blunting of simultaneous  Global Cooling and Global Warming.
 
    It doesn't really matter, whether we are talking about holding 1,300 FBI raw data files for two years or leaving a briefcase on Vince Foster's White House office desk, three days after the office had been visited, photographed, and dusted.   Either way, it really is phenomenal, folks, really, because Chuck Colson who worked for Nixon in the White House had one unopened raw data file, and he had to sit in the Big House for three years for that offence.  Imagine!  All of (Sir Edmund)Hillary's were opened and the papers returned in inaccurate manners.  We are talking about a really magical personality.
 
    Or, we can consider the phenomenal ability to have Web Hubbell serve two different long terms in the Big House so that (Sir Edmund) Hillary could keep her wide....uh...her wide.....uh...presence ensconced in the White House, or that she is the only person in this 5,000 seat auditorium at this time who can say with pride that he or she knows well over 100 people who have met with violent and/or untimely deaths, sometimes unexplainable and sometimes ruled homicides and sometimes ruled suicides, and/or folks who are serving or who have served prison time stemming from activities with or around the famous pair, Bonnie and Clyde, excuse me, Billy Jeff and (Sir Edmund) Hillary.   Now, go ahead and say  what you might...not many people can duplicate that record.
 
     This list can go on forever, shaking down political contributors, foreign and domestic, who are trying to buy a Presidential Pardon or obtain some well-deserved illegal favour, saying that her daughter was at the twin towers on the morning of 9 - 11 - 01, saying that she was named for Sir Edmund Hillary three years before he began his assault of Mount Everest, or telling a nice crowd of folks that she tried to volunteer for the United States Marines but was turned down because of her eyesight.  We all just have to stand in awe of her.  We simply must.   Or else.
  
     Who would have ever thought that we would have the opportunity to pay homage to a person who could actually be forever remembered for falling into her 1,000,000 dollar an hour airplane while drunk, and then avoiding a pernicious Congressional inquiry for three months, by faking first stomach flu and then faking a brain concussion and then faking a broken jaw.  What better way to work out of a really tough hangover?
 
     And she will forever be remembered for those inspirational and patriotic words, "What difference, at this point, can it possibly make?" We shall forever remember that defiant, scowling, witch-like face, skewed into a look of contempt for such common people to even think about calling her to account for herself and her stuperous inaction during the time Americans were being killed because she was too blotto and/or too uncaring and/or too self-involved to have considered addressing the need for beefing up security for a consular compound in some silly remote country full of funny looking dark people.  At least it wasn't 03:00 some dark-thirty morning.
 
    Finally, I, Jeb Bush, demand that we have a moment of silence so as to consider deeply, everything....and I mean everything...that (Sir Edmund) Hillary has done for women.....and children......just think of everything she has done.....everything. Monitoring cameras and microphones are on, and will be reviewed after this event so as to ensure compliance with (Sir Edmund) Hillary's demands.

    Thank you all.  And may (Sir Edmund) Hillary bless America.
 
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    Thank you, Governor, for allowing me to advise and contribute to your attempt to speak reasonably about such an interesting personality.   I have been guided by my parents' admonition to only say the most favourable things one can about the living or the dead.  We believe that admonition has been served.
    Suffice to say, I and all of mine will vigorously oppose any effort that you might make in terms of gaining any further elective office.  The notion that you can render homage to a certifiably psychotic narcissist who is a dedicated marxist, committed to the destruction of this Republic and the establishment of a socialist replacement, while at the same time you are denigrating personalities like Ted Cruz, is disgusting. 
 
Sincerely,
El Gringo Viejo
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