A message from His Highness, the one, the only Grand Exalted Emperor of All Things Past. Present, and Future: Barackajawea Lumumba Hussein Mobotu Soetoro Dunham Obama
Now, the PERPETUAL EMPEROR'S MESSAGE:
(start teleprompter here: set on "slow")
YESTERDAY I GAVE A SPEECH FOR 17 MINUTES, SOME SAY IT WAS 18 MINUTES, AND WE HAVE THIS UNDER REVIEW AT THIS TIME. AN INVESTIGATION HAS BEEN INITIATED AND WE SHALL INFORM THE PUBLIC OF EXACTLY HOW LONG IT WAS THAT I SPOKE TO THE COMMON CLASS OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL VERY CLOSE TO QUEEN MICHELLE AND I. MOST OBSERVERS AGREE THAT IT WAS, LIKE ALL MY SPEECHES, THE GREATEST SPEECH I HAVE EVER MADE. WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE VERY APPRECIATIVE BECAUSE OF THE REVIEWS WE WERE GIVEN ON THE OFFICIAL IMPERIAL CHANNEL...MSSHARPTONVISIONBC. WE KNOW THAT YOU MUST BE VERY HAPPY TO KNOW, THAT ALTHOUGH YOU ARE ESSENTIALLY NOBODIES WHO COUNT FOR NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, AT LEAST YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LISTEN TO ME SPEAK FOR SO LONG WHILE USING THE WORSTEST GRAMMAR AND VOCABULES THAN ANY OF MY SUBJECTS, AND TO DO IT BY USING ONLY FOUR OR FIVE SENTENCES OR PHRASES THAT SEEM LIKE SENTENCES WHEN A PERSON IS SPEAKING WITHOUT THE AID OF A TELEPROMPTER THAT IS VERY DIFFICULT WHEN A PERSON SPEAKS TO THE ISSUES THAT HE IS SPEAKING TO SO
THAT I AM ENCOMPASSED BY A GRANDEUR THAT BLINDS MY VISION OF THE COMMON AT TIMES SO IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT FOR EVEN I TO UNDERSTAND I AM MAKING THE POINT THAT I AM MAKING EVEN WHEN SPEAKING TO THE MARINE CORPSE SOLDIERS. WHEN I AM RIDICULING THE CRACKER COMMUNITY BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT BLACK MEN HAVE TO SUFFER THE FEAR THAT PEOPLE FEAR WHEN THEY ARE BEING IRRATIONALLY AFRAID OF BLACK MEN, IT WAS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION BY ARCHDUKE ERIC THE HOLDER THAT A LOT OF COLOURED FOLKS ARE AFFLICTED BY THAT SAME IRRATIONAL FEAR OF BLACK MEN....AND THAT THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF DOOR-LOCK CLICKIN' GOIN' ON WHEN A GAGGLE OF BLACK MALES ARE WALKING AROUND WITH HAMMERS, SCREWDRIVERS, AND GUNS. WHICH IS THE BIG SECRET HERE, BECAUSE ANY FOOL CAN SEE THAT THE CRACKERS AND THE POLICE AND THE SECURITY GUARDS BEHAVE STUPIDLY BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME CRACKER RACE OF PEOPLE THAT INVENT THINGS THAT PEOPLE ARE THEN FORCED TO WANT TO STEAL...OR TO USE TO COMMIT CRIMES. WHY DO THEY INVENT HAMMERS? WHAT ELSE ARE BLACK MALES SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM BESIDES KNOCK OUT WINDOWS OF EXPENSIVE AUTOS? IT'S A TWO-FER...DON'T YOU SEE? YOU GET TO DAMAGE SOME CRACKER'S PROPERTY AND FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF THAT WAY, AND THEN IF THERE'S SOME MONEY OR A EASY OUT STEREO SYSTEM, THAT'S THREE DAYS CRACK AND THE GOOD TIMES IN THE DORM ROOM FOR A BUNCH OF BLACK MALES....AND THEN THIS THING ABOUT HOW NEGRO TAXI DRIVERS WILL NOT PICK UP YOUNGER AND MIDDLE-AGED BLACK MEN AT NIGHT BECAUSE OF FEAR OF BEING ROBBED OR MURDERED IS A SILLY MYTH DREAMED UP BY CRACKERS WHO LIKE TO TELL RACIST JOKES IN THEIR FANCY BARS....BARS WHERE THEY DON'T LET THE COLOURED INTO BECAUSE OF THE UH...UH...SLOW DOWN THIS TELEPROMPTER....WHAT DO YA THINK I'M DOIN' UP HERE? SPEEDREADING?? UH, UH....THE INNATE RACISM OF THE ENTIRE CRACKER RACE. WHERE ELSE DO BLACK PEOPLE GET TREATED LIKE THIS? HUH? HUH?
THAT IS WHY I SENT THAT STUPID STATUE BACK TO THAT CRACKER QUEEN, I MEAN WHAT THE HELL IS A STATUE OF A FAT CRACKER DOIN' ON MY DESK IN MY OFFICE. AND WHAT KIND OF NAME IS CHURCH HILL? HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE????
THE AUDACITY OF THE DREAMS OF MY FATHER WHEN HE WAS USING HIS WOMEN FOR PUNCHING BAGS WAS FUN, BUT HE DID NOT USE CIGARS LIKE SOME CRACKERS I KNOW, AND AUNTIE ZIETUNI AND UNCLE OMAR TOLD ME SOME REALLY WILD TALES ABOUT HOW MY DADDY WOULD GO ON THOSE TWO WEEK DRUNKS.....A LOT OF NATURAL SELECTION WAS GOIN' ON THERE....LOTS OF MARY JANE AND CRYSTAL IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN....UNCLE OMAR IS PRETTY MUCH AWARE OF ALL OF THAT BECAUSE HE'S BEEN PULLED OVER MORE THAN A FEW TIMES AFTER TRYING TO POINT HIS CAR STRAIGHT....MORE OF THAT STUPID POLICE THING...BECAUSE HOW DO YOU THINK UNCLE OMAR IS EVER GOING TO MAKE IT HOME FROM HIS JOB AT THE LIQUOR STORE IF THE COPS KEEP STOPPING HIM? THE DEAL IS, IF HE PRESENTS A DANGER TO THE PUBLIC, IS TO GET HIM OFF THE STREETS, NO? AND SO WHY ARE THEY KEEPING HIM ON THE STREET....? IT'S JUST HELL BEING A BLACK MALE....WHEN EVEN A BLACK MALE POLICE WILL STOP AN ILLEGAL ALIEN UNCLE OF THE PERPETUAL EMPEROR OF THE WORLD
JUST BECAUSE HE IS DWI. DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD STOP A CRACKER....NOOOOOooooooo....THIS IS A STOP-THE-CRACKER-FREE-ZONE. SO THEY STOP THE BLACK MALE, JUST BECAUSE HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH...BUT WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE. HE DIDN'T PAY FOR ANY OF IT. IT GOES BACK TO THE FACT THAT THE CRACKERS HAD THE LIQUOR STORE AND FAILED TO SUPERVISE UNCLE OMAR'S LITTLE MANNERISMS LIKE....DRINKING THE INVENTORY. SO IT IS PERFECTLY CLEAR WHERE THE FAULT LIES. UNCLE OMAR LOOKS A LOT LIKE ME WHEN I AM HIS AGE....AND I HAD A HARD TIME WALKING AFTER I BONGED OUT IN THE DORM ROOMS WHERE I CRASHED. HAD TO SMOKE IT SO I COULD FIND OUT WHAT WAS INSIDE OF IT...AND TO PROVE TO MY RICH CRACKER CLASSMATES THAT I WAS MOVIN' THE GOOD WEED, DOOD! BOY, WERE THOSE THE GOOD OLD DAYS. REEFER MADNESS RULES!! JUST LIKE I DO.
AND WHAT'S WITH THIS STAND YOUR GROUND THING AND SELF-DEFENCE? WHAT IF EVERYONE GOES AROUND DEFENDING HIMSELF ALL THE TIME? HUH? WHAT ARE THE COPS GOING TO DO THEN? HUH? BETCHA DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT. WE WANT GOOD MIDDLE CLASS JOBS...ESPECIALLY UNION JOBS....ESPECIALLY PUBLIC SECTOR JOBS....AND SELF-DEFENCE DOESN'T EMPLOY ANYBODY OR FEED ONE MINORITY CHILD. WE'RE RIGHT BACK INTO THE 1950s AGAIN, CRACKER HEAVEN, WHEN THE COLOURED FOLKS KNEW THEIR PLACE....YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS....AT THE END OF A ROPE....DID YOU ALL KNOW THAT ALL THE LYNCHING GOING ON OF BLACK FOLKS....WAS SO BAD THAT IN 100 YEARS OF LYNCHINGS FROM 1870 TO 1970 THAT ALMOST ONE TENTH OF THE NUMBER OF BLACK MEN WERE LYNCHED AS BLACK MEN WHO WERE KILLED BY OTHER BLACK MEN IN ONE YEAR
DURING EPISODES AND INCIDENCE OF MORTAL ENCOUNTER IN AMERICA'S CITIES, BACK IN ....WHAT YEAR WAS THAT....UH..UH....RIGHT..... 2012.
IF THAT DOESN'T PROVE THAT AMERICA IS NEVER GOING TO PAY ENOUGH FOR RACISM UNTIL I HAVE TORN DOWN EVERY VESTIGE OF REASON AND COMMON LAW SO AS TO PROVE TO THE CRACKERS THAT MY ILLEGAL ALIEN AUNTIE AND UNCLE HAVE THE ABSOLUTE RIGHT TO BUM OFF THE TAXPAYERS FOR THEIR COMPLETE SUBSISTENCE AND NO DAMNED CRACKER IS GOING TO GET IN THEIR WAY....IN FACT I HAVE THE MISERABLE JEW CRACKERS DEFENDING THEM IN THEIR DEPORTATION HEARINGS....AND OTHER CRACKERS ARE PAYING FORTHEIR $1,000/HR DEFENCE REPRESENTATION. TRY THAT ON FOR BEING A GENERALISSIMO AND EMPEROR AT THE SAME TIME. YOU KNOW, PLAY A LITTLE ROUND BALL, PLAY A LITTLE GOLF, DO A LITTLE SHOVEL-READY, THROW SOME GLITTER AT CHRIS MATTHEWS, KEEP THE LIBERAL CRACKERS THROWING MONEY INTO THE BLACK HOLE OF THE AFDC, WIC, FOOD STAMP, HEAD START, FREE RENT, AND ALL AND MAKE THE SMALL BUSINESS DUMMY-CRACKER PAY FOR IT....AND WE'RE GOOD TO GO....NEXT TIME MAYBE A TWO WEEK TOUR OF HISTORICALLY UNDER-VISITED DESTINATIONS THAT CAN STILL HANDLE TWO 747s AT THE SAME TIME, ALONG WITH 5,000 OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE BEING ME!? SEND A FEW SECRET SERVICE AND ATF GUYS DOWN TO VENEZUELA TO SET UP MY ARRANGEMENTS, AND GIVE THEM A LITTLE MONEY TO PLAY AROUND, SO THAT THEY DON'T GET BORED.
FINALLY...YOU ARE ALL VERY WELCOMED FOR HAVING HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO LISTEN TO MY SPEECH. REMEMBER THAT IF I HAD A CITY, IT WOULD LOOK A LOT LIKE DETROIT.....
NOW, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE. I HAVE TO HEAD FOR LAS VEGAS.
 |
| GENERAL EMPEROR for LIFE HRH BARACK HUSSEIN O'BAMA SHORTLY AFTER HIS GREAT VICTORY OVER CRACKERNESIA |
Now, the PERPETUAL EMPEROR'S MESSAGE:
(start teleprompter here: set on "slow")
YESTERDAY I GAVE A SPEECH FOR 17 MINUTES, SOME SAY IT WAS 18 MINUTES, AND WE HAVE THIS UNDER REVIEW AT THIS TIME. AN INVESTIGATION HAS BEEN INITIATED AND WE SHALL INFORM THE PUBLIC OF EXACTLY HOW LONG IT WAS THAT I SPOKE TO THE COMMON CLASS OF PEOPLE WHO ARE ALL VERY CLOSE TO QUEEN MICHELLE AND I. MOST OBSERVERS AGREE THAT IT WAS, LIKE ALL MY SPEECHES, THE GREATEST SPEECH I HAVE EVER MADE. WE KNOW THAT YOU ARE VERY APPRECIATIVE BECAUSE OF THE REVIEWS WE WERE GIVEN ON THE OFFICIAL IMPERIAL CHANNEL...MSSHARPTONVISIONBC. WE KNOW THAT YOU MUST BE VERY HAPPY TO KNOW, THAT ALTHOUGH YOU ARE ESSENTIALLY NOBODIES WHO COUNT FOR NOTHING IN PARTICULAR, AT LEAST YOU ARE ALLOWED TO LISTEN TO ME SPEAK FOR SO LONG WHILE USING THE WORSTEST GRAMMAR AND VOCABULES THAN ANY OF MY SUBJECTS, AND TO DO IT BY USING ONLY FOUR OR FIVE SENTENCES OR PHRASES THAT SEEM LIKE SENTENCES WHEN A PERSON IS SPEAKING WITHOUT THE AID OF A TELEPROMPTER THAT IS VERY DIFFICULT WHEN A PERSON SPEAKS TO THE ISSUES THAT HE IS SPEAKING TO SO
THAT I AM ENCOMPASSED BY A GRANDEUR THAT BLINDS MY VISION OF THE COMMON AT TIMES SO IT MIGHT BE DIFFICULT FOR EVEN I TO UNDERSTAND I AM MAKING THE POINT THAT I AM MAKING EVEN WHEN SPEAKING TO THE MARINE CORPSE SOLDIERS. WHEN I AM RIDICULING THE CRACKER COMMUNITY BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT BLACK MEN HAVE TO SUFFER THE FEAR THAT PEOPLE FEAR WHEN THEY ARE BEING IRRATIONALLY AFRAID OF BLACK MEN, IT WAS BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION BY ARCHDUKE ERIC THE HOLDER THAT A LOT OF COLOURED FOLKS ARE AFFLICTED BY THAT SAME IRRATIONAL FEAR OF BLACK MEN....AND THAT THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF DOOR-LOCK CLICKIN' GOIN' ON WHEN A GAGGLE OF BLACK MALES ARE WALKING AROUND WITH HAMMERS, SCREWDRIVERS, AND GUNS. WHICH IS THE BIG SECRET HERE, BECAUSE ANY FOOL CAN SEE THAT THE CRACKERS AND THE POLICE AND THE SECURITY GUARDS BEHAVE STUPIDLY BECAUSE THEY ARE THE SAME CRACKER RACE OF PEOPLE THAT INVENT THINGS THAT PEOPLE ARE THEN FORCED TO WANT TO STEAL...OR TO USE TO COMMIT CRIMES. WHY DO THEY INVENT HAMMERS? WHAT ELSE ARE BLACK MALES SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THEM BESIDES KNOCK OUT WINDOWS OF EXPENSIVE AUTOS? IT'S A TWO-FER...DON'T YOU SEE? YOU GET TO DAMAGE SOME CRACKER'S PROPERTY AND FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF THAT WAY, AND THEN IF THERE'S SOME MONEY OR A EASY OUT STEREO SYSTEM, THAT'S THREE DAYS CRACK AND THE GOOD TIMES IN THE DORM ROOM FOR A BUNCH OF BLACK MALES....AND THEN THIS THING ABOUT HOW NEGRO TAXI DRIVERS WILL NOT PICK UP YOUNGER AND MIDDLE-AGED BLACK MEN AT NIGHT BECAUSE OF FEAR OF BEING ROBBED OR MURDERED IS A SILLY MYTH DREAMED UP BY CRACKERS WHO LIKE TO TELL RACIST JOKES IN THEIR FANCY BARS....BARS WHERE THEY DON'T LET THE COLOURED INTO BECAUSE OF THE UH...UH...SLOW DOWN THIS TELEPROMPTER....WHAT DO YA THINK I'M DOIN' UP HERE? SPEEDREADING?? UH, UH....THE INNATE RACISM OF THE ENTIRE CRACKER RACE. WHERE ELSE DO BLACK PEOPLE GET TREATED LIKE THIS? HUH? HUH?
THAT IS WHY I SENT THAT STUPID STATUE BACK TO THAT CRACKER QUEEN, I MEAN WHAT THE HELL IS A STATUE OF A FAT CRACKER DOIN' ON MY DESK IN MY OFFICE. AND WHAT KIND OF NAME IS CHURCH HILL? HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE????
THE AUDACITY OF THE DREAMS OF MY FATHER WHEN HE WAS USING HIS WOMEN FOR PUNCHING BAGS WAS FUN, BUT HE DID NOT USE CIGARS LIKE SOME CRACKERS I KNOW, AND AUNTIE ZIETUNI AND UNCLE OMAR TOLD ME SOME REALLY WILD TALES ABOUT HOW MY DADDY WOULD GO ON THOSE TWO WEEK DRUNKS.....A LOT OF NATURAL SELECTION WAS GOIN' ON THERE....LOTS OF MARY JANE AND CRYSTAL IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN....UNCLE OMAR IS PRETTY MUCH AWARE OF ALL OF THAT BECAUSE HE'S BEEN PULLED OVER MORE THAN A FEW TIMES AFTER TRYING TO POINT HIS CAR STRAIGHT....MORE OF THAT STUPID POLICE THING...BECAUSE HOW DO YOU THINK UNCLE OMAR IS EVER GOING TO MAKE IT HOME FROM HIS JOB AT THE LIQUOR STORE IF THE COPS KEEP STOPPING HIM? THE DEAL IS, IF HE PRESENTS A DANGER TO THE PUBLIC, IS TO GET HIM OFF THE STREETS, NO? AND SO WHY ARE THEY KEEPING HIM ON THE STREET....? IT'S JUST HELL BEING A BLACK MALE....WHEN EVEN A BLACK MALE POLICE WILL STOP AN ILLEGAL ALIEN UNCLE OF THE PERPETUAL EMPEROR OF THE WORLD
JUST BECAUSE HE IS DWI. DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD STOP A CRACKER....NOOOOOooooooo....THIS IS A STOP-THE-CRACKER-FREE-ZONE. SO THEY STOP THE BLACK MALE, JUST BECAUSE HE'S HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH...BUT WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE. HE DIDN'T PAY FOR ANY OF IT. IT GOES BACK TO THE FACT THAT THE CRACKERS HAD THE LIQUOR STORE AND FAILED TO SUPERVISE UNCLE OMAR'S LITTLE MANNERISMS LIKE....DRINKING THE INVENTORY. SO IT IS PERFECTLY CLEAR WHERE THE FAULT LIES. UNCLE OMAR LOOKS A LOT LIKE ME WHEN I AM HIS AGE....AND I HAD A HARD TIME WALKING AFTER I BONGED OUT IN THE DORM ROOMS WHERE I CRASHED. HAD TO SMOKE IT SO I COULD FIND OUT WHAT WAS INSIDE OF IT...AND TO PROVE TO MY RICH CRACKER CLASSMATES THAT I WAS MOVIN' THE GOOD WEED, DOOD! BOY, WERE THOSE THE GOOD OLD DAYS. REEFER MADNESS RULES!! JUST LIKE I DO.
AND WHAT'S WITH THIS STAND YOUR GROUND THING AND SELF-DEFENCE? WHAT IF EVERYONE GOES AROUND DEFENDING HIMSELF ALL THE TIME? HUH? WHAT ARE THE COPS GOING TO DO THEN? HUH? BETCHA DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT. WE WANT GOOD MIDDLE CLASS JOBS...ESPECIALLY UNION JOBS....ESPECIALLY PUBLIC SECTOR JOBS....AND SELF-DEFENCE DOESN'T EMPLOY ANYBODY OR FEED ONE MINORITY CHILD. WE'RE RIGHT BACK INTO THE 1950s AGAIN, CRACKER HEAVEN, WHEN THE COLOURED FOLKS KNEW THEIR PLACE....YOU ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS....AT THE END OF A ROPE....DID YOU ALL KNOW THAT ALL THE LYNCHING GOING ON OF BLACK FOLKS....WAS SO BAD THAT IN 100 YEARS OF LYNCHINGS FROM 1870 TO 1970 THAT ALMOST ONE TENTH OF THE NUMBER OF BLACK MEN WERE LYNCHED AS BLACK MEN WHO WERE KILLED BY OTHER BLACK MEN IN ONE YEAR
DURING EPISODES AND INCIDENCE OF MORTAL ENCOUNTER IN AMERICA'S CITIES, BACK IN ....WHAT YEAR WAS THAT....UH..UH....RIGHT..... 2012.
IF THAT DOESN'T PROVE THAT AMERICA IS NEVER GOING TO PAY ENOUGH FOR RACISM UNTIL I HAVE TORN DOWN EVERY VESTIGE OF REASON AND COMMON LAW SO AS TO PROVE TO THE CRACKERS THAT MY ILLEGAL ALIEN AUNTIE AND UNCLE HAVE THE ABSOLUTE RIGHT TO BUM OFF THE TAXPAYERS FOR THEIR COMPLETE SUBSISTENCE AND NO DAMNED CRACKER IS GOING TO GET IN THEIR WAY....IN FACT I HAVE THE MISERABLE JEW CRACKERS DEFENDING THEM IN THEIR DEPORTATION HEARINGS....AND OTHER CRACKERS ARE PAYING FORTHEIR $1,000/HR DEFENCE REPRESENTATION. TRY THAT ON FOR BEING A GENERALISSIMO AND EMPEROR AT THE SAME TIME. YOU KNOW, PLAY A LITTLE ROUND BALL, PLAY A LITTLE GOLF, DO A LITTLE SHOVEL-READY, THROW SOME GLITTER AT CHRIS MATTHEWS, KEEP THE LIBERAL CRACKERS THROWING MONEY INTO THE BLACK HOLE OF THE AFDC, WIC, FOOD STAMP, HEAD START, FREE RENT, AND ALL AND MAKE THE SMALL BUSINESS DUMMY-CRACKER PAY FOR IT....AND WE'RE GOOD TO GO....NEXT TIME MAYBE A TWO WEEK TOUR OF HISTORICALLY UNDER-VISITED DESTINATIONS THAT CAN STILL HANDLE TWO 747s AT THE SAME TIME, ALONG WITH 5,000 OF MY CLOSEST FRIENDS. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE BEING ME!? SEND A FEW SECRET SERVICE AND ATF GUYS DOWN TO VENEZUELA TO SET UP MY ARRANGEMENTS, AND GIVE THEM A LITTLE MONEY TO PLAY AROUND, SO THAT THEY DON'T GET BORED.
FINALLY...YOU ARE ALL VERY WELCOMED FOR HAVING HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO LISTEN TO MY SPEECH. REMEMBER THAT IF I HAD A CITY, IT WOULD LOOK A LOT LIKE DETROIT.....
NOW, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE. I HAVE TO HEAD FOR LAS VEGAS.
