Monday, 22 October 2012

Hazardous Material Team Called into White House

Dangerous work if you can
get it.
       Several thousand Haz-mat workers were called into the White House yesterday late during the afternoon when a repair crew encountered several hundred pages with repetitive writing, as if someone was trying to perfect somebody elses handwriting.  The pages had essentially the same message with slight changes and were all signed by a "Vince Foster".   The issue was complicated by having been hidden under several tons of black pantsuit outfits, with the initials "...H i l l a r y  R o d h a m  C l i n t o n..." stitched on the inside, so they were determined to be of undetermined ownership.  A binder holding the pages was labelled "Practice Suicide Notes for Vince".   
     According to the repair crew, the last time there had been any access to this part of the interior walls of the White House was around 1997.   The Haz-Mat crew detected various types of radiation, as well as certain strychnine-based poison residue similar to the type used by a certain old lady who was last seen near the house where Snow White was in charge of the seven short bachelors' domicile.    All the workers said that it was "....the worst smelling mess" that they had ever encountered.
      A complete investigation was done by Eric Holder between 4:30 and 4:35 yesterday afternoon, and it was determined that nothing was of any significant forensic interest, considering that there are well over 300,000 people named Vincent, Vicente, or Vince in the United States at this time.   Many of them are LGBT and some have criminal records while others were born on odd or even numbered days.   There were also no individuals in or around the White House with the initials "H i l l a r y  R o d h a m C l i n t o n".   Therefore there is nothing that would justify using the resources of the Justice Department on a wild duck or turkey hunt....(non-lethal, catch and release hunt).  It was the general agreement of the Inspector General's office that it was all George Bush's fault anyway.



Putin is watching your
every move.
      The White House has been encouraged by the recent endorsement by three international heavyweights, long famous for slavish devotion to the precepts of common law, human rights, and transparent domocratic processes.   President Obama made a famous overture to Putin lackey Mdvdevevev, intimating over a hot mike that he (Obama) would have a freer hand in disarming American anti-missile defense systems after the up-coming elections in November, 2012.   It was telling that Obama felt comfortable grabbing Medevevdvs leg while emphasising his willingness to sell out the entirety of Eastern Europes sovereignty and right to self-defense.   Mdednevde was moved to say, "Yes, I understand."
       This is the kind of diplomacy that has set American foreign policy on a path to gain respect and affection on the part of democratic leaders throughout this and all other planets.   Obama has been on a roll after pacifying the entire Arab and Muslim world by pointing out what a slimy bunch of pigs the American people are, and how selfish and exploitative America has been with people of colour.  It has been pointed out that no other American president has done more bowing and grovelling to tin-horn thugs and people who are morally, intellectually, and culturally inferior in all respects to America and Americans.
We all smell sulphur
     Hugo Chavez, who is famous for taking care of the poor and distributing wealth and and destroying his own refineries in order to finance his election campaigns, likes Obama's marxist pre-disposition.   After all, rich people do not need what they have, and who better to determine who needs what than people like Michelle Obama and Pocahantas Warren?
     The Venezuelan dictator is legitimately elected, although he uses money from marxist foreign contributors as well as public Venezuelan assets and tax funds for direct campaign operations.   Very efficient application of the nation's wealth for a nation that has slid over 40% in terms of basic purchasing power for all classes of citizens in the last six years.   Those following his lead in Argentina, Brazil, Ecuador, and Nicaragua are enjoying similar economic collapses at this time, so soon the marxist objective will be acheived and the ghost of Guevara will be pleased.....Everyone will be profoundly poor and have his own open sewer running in front of his favela....his own naked children playing in the sewer.....his own 11 year old son a captain in the Mara Salvatrucha.  You gotta love it.

Che, Raul, Fidel
Momma, I have a nice boy named Che' I want
you to meet.   He's here with his friends, Raul
and Fidel.
  Then we have the Brothers Castro - Ruz.   They have outlasted Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon, Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush I, Clinton, Bush II, and Obama.  They have seen the coming and going  of Lopez Mateos, Diaz Ordaz, Echeverria Alvarez, Lopez Portillo, de la Madrid Hurtado, Salinas y de Gortari, Fox Quezada, Calderon Hinojosa, and Pena Nieto.   They have seen Diefenbaker, Pearson, Trudeau, Clark, Turner, Mulroney, Campbell, Chretien, Martin, and Harper come and go in Canada.   And, any of the 57 States in America, the 31 States and one federal district in Mexico, and any province of Canada has a greater Gross Internal Product than the entire Republic of Cuba.    Cuba moved from fourth most affluent nation in the Americas in 1960 to the next to last place just above Haiti during these times.   Quite a record for the Fidel and Raul, even as they looted the assets of Cuba to the tune of several billion dollars for their own checking accounts in France, Spain, Mexico, and other places, near and far.  



Eva Longoria

Forever the hippie      Eva Longoria is known as a great intellectual force.  She is open minded and critical in her thought processes.  She is also very much against racial and ethnic stereotyping.  That is why she says that if a Latin person votes for Romney then that Latin person must be forced to turn in his/her genealogy card and become a person of no known race or ethnicity.   Latins must perform according to her ethnic template.     So, as is frequently asked of such dolts that are covered in this blog, "Who is the racist?   Who is the ethnic bigot?"   The fact is that it is Eva.  Not us.   We figure that if a Latin person votes Democrat it is because he or she is a dummy dumbo....but at least he or she is still the child of his ancestors.   If the Latin votes Republican, he or she is a Smarty Marty....and, of course,  he or she is still a child of his ancestors.
      Sorry, Eva.   Your logic is not very logical.  Might be because you are a blithering bimbo who is totally self-absorbed and who has never thought through any problem of logic or critical thinking in your life.   And you used to be almost attractive, but you are looking more, and more, and more like that mean old lady who rocks back and forth sitting over in Fort Marcy Park, pictured at left.
     There is still hope, because you can sell what is left of your soul to Lucifer and he can get you a discount on the Sculpto-Face Wind Tunnel machine that Nancy Pelosi broke after giving the Pope a lecture on Roman Catholic canonical law and liturgy.   There is also a discount on Nancy Pelosi's brain.   She is selling it because she does not need it, and it is in like new condition since it was never used in the first place. Sounds like you, Eva.   A new brain in reserve would not be such a bad idea.   Beats hanging around at boring basketball games. No?

     Well, that is it, folks.  All the news that's fit to print.

Whew!    This is all amazing.   Pardon the melt-down....but it was fun.   Now it is time for a quart of milk and 42 triple chocolate chip cookies....Ummmmmmm! Breakfast.
El Gringo Viejo