Friday, 11 May 2012

New Flukie Award Alert - This time it's all about Family

Intestinal Fluke Statue
Also known as "The Flukie"'
here for more info.


We are honoured once again to name recipients to the Flukie Award for dull, beggardly, narcissistic grasping of any asset to which one is not entitled, and doing it with perfect aplomb that befits a human parasite.   This time we shall cover familiar ground....both in the sense that we have been there before and because the winners are members of the first family of all 57 States in the Union that are defended by the Marine Corpse.
      This is also the first joint award, first because there are two recipients, a man  and a woman,  The second reason is because the man works at joint known as a liquor store, where he apparently frequently pre-tests the merchandise.
Aunt Zeituni Obama-Onyaga
Soon to be Peoples Republic of Occupied Aboriginal Lands
Laureate of Kwanzaic Prose and Poetry

      Mz. Zeituni is a very famous person.   She has written a book. She is a very good person because she is a victim of her own slovenly, arrogant, presumptive, mean, self-centred conceit.   She wrote a book called Tears of Abuse,  Auntie Zeituni's trials while on vacation in Hell.
       All children must learn what a dump the United States was before Auntie Zeituni and her "newly arrived Americans"  drove it into the dust bin of history because of its treatment of the poor and waterboarding.   Her book details the tribulations of being taken in to mandatory hospitalisation upon arrival because of the various diseases she brought with her from Kenya....fault of Elizabeth Windsor...and subjected to curative procedures that could only be described as "something else".
       Even worse, in her book that -shhhhhh... another person, she details the trials and burdens of having to "go down" to the free money office.  It was a lot of trouble and interfered with her soap operas, causing immense stress.   Then they made her go to office after office after office to pick up free housing, free food stamps, free bus pass,  free medical services, free utility service, and of course to the classes.   Her favourite class was the one called "Historic patterns of discrimination!  Don't Stand for It!"   It was there that she learned that she had been discriminated against in America for well over 400 years.    That seemed amazing, because in her Michael Jackson disguise, pictured above, she looks nothing more than what a 105 year old man might look like.  Maybe it's the dandruff in her wig that keeps her looking so spry.
     Perhaps the same millions who bought her nephew's brilliant books will buy and not read hers as well.   It is a blueprint for anyone searching for a way to latch onto the gravy train without breaking a sweat.   Pointers for avoiding deportation are included, especially on how to be related to a president who will arrange millionaire and billionaire, pro-communist Boston law firms to do pro bono work for America's finest.
     Auntie Zeituni's book co-incides with another great accomplishment for her half-brother pictured below:

Uncle Onyango learns from his $2,500/hour attorney that
he is on a Planet named Earth.   He was unaware that he
had been deported from another planet named Dnaseirts.

      Uncle Onyango is celebrating being awarded his first driver's license.   Not having a driver's license never kept him from rollin' before, but now, at least, he can identify himself after being pulled over for DWI, next time.    He had just been released from jail for a previous DWI in collision.    After briefly celebrating his emancipation from that sentence for Driving While Intoxicated, again, Uncle Onyango learns that, after many, many years he is being rimanded back to the care and feeding of the immigration authorities.   He has been under a deportation order for approximately 512 years, but has been too busy collecting welfare and working for two different liquor stores in the same chain in an up-scale, downtown area of Framingham, Massachusetts.   He did manage to obtain two different social security cards which were both alive and well, and he did manage to run into a police car during his last DWI episode.   Along with his half-sister, Auntie Zeituni, they collect the equivalent of about 200,000.00 USD each year in public assistance, not counting legal fees and damages to public property.

     All in all, he and Auntie Zeituni have managed to cost the taxpayers over 200,000.0o USD each year during their vacation here from Kenya.   Sometime it's not what a person knows, but rather who he is said.

It makes a guy proud to be an American.   We've really attracted the brightest and best.
El Gringo Viejo