Saturday, 21 April 2012

Al Goar's Guest Editorial

Dear Little People:

     You little people really need to understand that we good people really do know more than you do. Anything you little people who study history and move through life guided by the Beatitudes, the Golden Rule, and the Catechism of normalcy, deference, decency, and stewardship are not really smart enough or deep enough to have any true notion about Earth – Sun relationships.
       You see, it is only we who call for Reason who can remind you that in 40 years we have saved the Planet from an absence of Polar Bears, white tail deer, and numerous other major mammals who are so numerous now that we have to pass on a daily basis, in the case of the deer, three or four dead ones who are splattered on non-expressway, common streets in and around Central Texas. Luckily, many are not splattered, because they are busy sleeping in our garages with the racoons during cold weather snaps. Then they can wake up and eat our gardens for brunch.
      It is we who warned of the dangers of Global Warming long before McAllen, Texas had a White Christmas….with a 10 inch snow, Christmas, 2004. (Check Mcallen's location on Planet Earth through your Google Earth access.)
      It is we who, because of our superior, more concerned, much more ethical than all you little people who probably own guns and go to Mass at a conservative rite Anglican Church, and believe in something bigger than yourselves, are actually concerned about the true soul of the Planet that weeps because of the poverty of the many and the useless wealth and acquisition of the 1%.

We are the ones who saved the Planet from the Silent Spring.
We are the ones who saved the Planet from the Global Freeze of the 1970s.
We are the ones who, with Jane Fonda’s help, saved the planet from Nuclear Winter.
We are the ones who saved the Planet from the Ozone hole.
We are the ones who saved the Planet from Climate Change.
We are the ones who saved Miss Flukie’s virginity with a solar powered chastity belt,
and who gave her a wind powered, portabortion kit to carry with her at all times, free.

      We are the ones who overlook the fact that a Confederate rube can study at the knee of his PhD. brother, a graduate level professor of geography at Louisiana State University, who was involved in the establishment of the concept of a geostatic, space-based missile intercept satellite system, learning at the same time that the corruption of the Army Corps of Engineers coupled with the corruption of the locale that is New Orleans would cause another flood of the city, and that communists, anarchists, and nihilists were planning even in the 1960s to invent CLIMATE DISASTER SCENARIOS to scare the beejeebies out of school children so as to advance the cause of “social democracy”.
     We are the ones who foisted the lie about, “A plastic water bottle. One day in you back-pack, an eternity in a landfill”. Who knew that children could figure out that a plastic water bottle cannot last 3 weeks in any remotely identifiable form in a real landfill. We’ll have to figure out how to kill Bambi in the movies in a better way so as to scare the beejeebies out of the ignorant and the children.
      Why don’t you little people go on back to your little pointless lives and let us who know better take care of the big issues. We can hate Good, Beauty, Normalcy, Natural Law, Prosperity, Achievement, Family, Clean, Self-sufficiency, Liberty, Family, Christianity and Judaism and Buddhism much better than any of you little people.

An inconvenient truth to the rescue.
Al Goar

ps.   Just because there are "wind farms" that are idle and being (truly) subsidized because they cannot sell their electricity since the wind blows at inconvenient times, and since the propeller blades are all made in Mexico or Norway....doesn't mean that my proposal to put one wind generator every 60 yards throughout America is a bad idea.
Inconveneintly yours,
Al (Mr. Massage) Goar.