Monday, 5 March 2012

Recently Discovered Letter

Last Saturday, the Gringo Viejo was going through some old letters that had been handed down from some ancestors from the 1800s.   One was of particular interest.  It is included below, in its entirety.

January 30, 1864
Robert E. Lee, Commanding
General of the Army of Northern Virginia
Alexandria, Virginia

         After three years of incessant warfare, occasioning the considerable loss of precious blood and treasure to both sides of this lamentable time in our history, it is my decision to order all activity, military, naval, and civilian, taking place on the behalf of the United States of America within the territorial boundaries of what has been styled "The Confederate States of America"  to cease.    All agents and orderlies of the United States of America have been ordered to return to territory commonly recognised by our representative, in concert with those who represent your National Authority, and we trust your Honourable Guarantee of safe passage to said individuals, their families, and their pertinences.
        This withdrawal will take place throughout any and all territory pertaining to those States within the territorial domain of the Confederate States of America, to wit:
         North Carolina
        South Carolina
        Virginia (less the six western counties)
           Upon your receipt of this letter, the conditions will have been so ordered and so complied by all those under the purview of the authority of my Office as President of the United States of America.    I have named General George McClellan as my envoy and messenger in this matter, and trust that both as my representative and as a person for whom you and your officers have had personal friendship, he will receive every hospitality and deference.
          Thank you for you attention to this matter and your speedy return to a posture, if not as a citizen of this Nation, then as a friend to this Nation.   We should concern ourselves, in my opinion, to the establishment of an atmosphere which permits charity of attitude to all, and malice toward none as the days of the calendar turn steadily away from the bad and equally steadily toward the good which dwells between our two parts of this noble Continent.

To this order and announcement I affix my signature and seal of office, on this the 31 instant of the Month of January, during the Year of our Lord one thousand eight hundred and sixty-four.

(signed with name and rubric)
President of the United States of America
Washington, District of Columbia)

(Great Seal of the United States of America)

One can only imagine my surprize when this letter was discovered.   We also have the enclosure that assigned the general officers, including Grant, Sherman, Meade, about 50 others involved in field command or occupation duty, such as in Memphis and New Orleans.

    It was amazing.   Now it is easy to see why Father O'bamaham has decided to follow the lead of his namesake and advise the Al Qaida operatives in Iraq and the Al Qaida and Taliban operatives in Afghanistan of the time American force of arms will be withdrawn from those two countries.   That has paved the way for waves of cowardly assassinations of Iraqi civilians and officials (25 to-day so far), American troops, and Afghani civilians.....some immediately after the early withdrawal of American force from Iraq, and the rest after the Taliban and the 7th Century Club became certain that Afghanistan would not have the Gringos around to try to drag the crummy country at least up to the 9th Century.   We knew that things were getting back to normal when the Kabul Times began to publish Help Wanted ads like the following:

                                          Wanted -  Board Certified Female Circumcisionist.   Must
                                          have own hacking and slicing devices, preferably with
                                          no rust.   All applicants will be tested for pig fat ingestion.
                                          5 Euros per year.   Free camel food.  10 kilos of opium to
                                          sell on the black market per year.

                                         Wanted - Stoners, left or right handed.  All applicants
                                         be tested for pig fat ingestion.  Must be accurate at 19
                                         paces on odd number days and 21 paces on even number
                                         days.   Stones are provided.   Applicants have a chance
                                        as probationary stoners to execute two women for wearing
                                        wrong coloured bhurka on Tuesday.   No mulligans, and
                                        failure to make a head shot with at least one of first ten
                                        stones will result in the stoning of the applicant.
                                             Successful applicant will be a team stoner, and pay
                                       will begin at 5  free stones per month, and 2 Euros for each
                                       killed infidel.   A 1 Euro bonus is paid for heretics.

                                       Retraining Opportunity -  Retired or unemployed suicide
                                       bombers, tired of laying around watching pornos?   Train
                                       now for an exciting new career as a Chevy Volt technician.
                                       Work on a car that blows itself up.   Built by our ally's
                                       bankrupt auto company.   Stipend is 3 dry measure litres
                                       of oats each month or so, plus an extra 4 live AK47 cartridges.


     One can only wonder what would have happened to Hapless George W. Bush had he been so stupid as to do a "quick out" of Iraq, and then advise the enemy in Afghanistan of exactly which Greyhound bus would be the last one pulling out of Kabul, and at what hour and date.   We managed to win another war like in Viet Nam and then let the America-hating Democrat socialists lose the victory again.
Welcome to the new week, and thank you all for your time and interest.
El Gringo Viejo