Wednesday, 19 January 2011

So you think I'm not a real curmudgeon...?

     A real curmudgeon is a really grumpy old man who has somewhat irrational notions about how much better things were "then" than they are "now".   He also becomes especially grumpy when certain errors are committed by the forces of the Universe that really make him grumpy.     Since I am curmudgeon, I shall reveal certain secrets that heretofore have never been known about why Karl Marx, Van Gogh, Hillary Rodham, Santa Clause stand-ins at the department stores, and the guy in front of you at the Starbucks are grumpy old in the case of Hillary Rodham...a really grumpy old man. 

       (1)    Saying in an advertisement "Choose from 34 'select' models" .   The dumbo announcer means to say...wants to say...."Choose from 34 selected models."    The dealership is trying to unload the pink Jetta with a column shifter and has always had a dog-pound fragrance since it arrived from the factory.   It is a "selected" model.....this goes for motor-cars, furniture, food orders at a "select" restaurant...etc.    The announcer or advertizing agency is taking advantage of the fact that we dumboes associate the term "select" with things like meat & seafood, certain vegetables, and other commodities of higher quality that have the official legal quality status of "select".   They use that term to associate with junk that has been selected to be unloaded on the dumboes who compose the general public, like me.  

      (2)    College professors and radio personalities, etc.  who say, ...."He was talking to me and Jeff, but ..."

      (3)     Any severely intellectually challenged person who says ...." This will bring closure to the finding the remains of the person who this vicious criminal murdered and brutalized in 1988....blah..blah..".     THERE IS NO "CLOSURE".....

      (4)      Weathermen who say, "Yesterday we had a high of 40 degrees and to-day will be 50% warmer, with a high of 60 degrees."    Temperature averages, as we know, cannot be based upon zero being an absolute base,  because temperatures do not have a zero-degree, absolute base.    In Fahrenheit, absolute zero is   459.6667...degrees BELOW ZERO degrees Fahrenheit.    Therefore 60 degrees F would be about 0.450% warmer than 40 degrees F,  (more or less).

     (5)      "With all due respect......" .

     (6)        "He is a member of a organization....."    A organization!!!!! ?????  In the dark ages, it was said, "He is a member of an organization...."    What is the vegetarian, wiccan, marxist problem with the article "an".....?

     (7)        The misuse of the word "gay".    What a ruinous way to contaminate such a noble word.  

    (8)        "This is adult entertainment".....No, it's is degenerate, childish, coarse, sewerage.     Give me a break.

    (9)        "And if you buy these three Asian elephants for three million dollars we will give you this Made in China, genuine plastic flashlight that is guaranteed not to work....ABSOLUTELY FREE....".    And at Joseph Banks Men's Wear, you buy the first suit for 300 dollars, and the second for 58 dollars, and you get 5 more items....ABSOLUTELY FREE.....!"    Uuhhh??   Excuse me....If I buy something as a pre-condition to receiving something else.....THEN IT IS NOT FREE!!!!!   UP AGAINST THE WALLLLL!!!!!!!

Now you know what a curmudgeon is.

As always....Thanks for your time and attention!!
El Gringo Viejo